Talk:Takashi Suzugamori/@comment-1451830-20130103225115

Hello, there, Ms./Mrs. Knightwalker. I am an acquaintance of LastationLover5000, here to give a point-by-point rundown of this article. 1) Grammar. I assume you are not a native English speaker, but this front still needs some major improvements. Starting with the introduction itself, you have sentences so desperately in need of editing that the grammatical mistakes actually obscure the meaning, such as: "After using his Pyromancer heritage he has destroyed so many other enemies that he even was said battled in the past, met a much younger Acnologia about 9 month prior to changing into a full-grown dragon soon he met him, he then betrayed his friends calling them "Trash"." In this example and others like it, it's difficult to even figure out the actions being described. This is why grammar is important, and spelling too. If your level of familiarity with the language is too low to formulate grammatically-correct and well-spelled sentences and paragraphs, then you should get a friend who is more familiar with it to help.

2) Plagiarism.

* Appearance: Includes sentences copied-and-pasted from the First Hokage's and Izuna Uchiha's articles on Narutopedia.


 * History: No direct textual plagiarism, but plagiarism of ideas is still possible. Unfortunately, between the grammar/spelling and the weird pacing of the history (there's like three paragraphs about how much he hates dragons and why, but in three or four lines you introduce his love interest and kill her off), I can't really tell.


 * Abilities:


 * Fire Dragon's Fire is just Fire Dragon's Roar. I see no issue with this one, actually, but I just felt like pointing that out, considering you had no reason to change the name.


 * His summoning kitsune are essentially Kyubi/Kurama/The Nine Tails, strengthening the whole Madara-ripoff feel of it.


 * "Eyes of the Divine"/"Eye Magic" strengthens it more


 * So does "Tsuki-yumi" (Tsukuyomi, anyone?)


 * The manifested spirit is Susano'o; the various different forms are Susano'o's different forms


 * Fall of Humanity is Madara's Meteorite Technique, and the example of its usage is an edited line from Narutopedia


 * Swarm of the Inferno is Sasuke's Blaze Magatama


 * Shadow of the Moon is Orochimaru's Seven Branches Technique


 * Equipment


 * Gunbai is Madara's weapon

3) Overpowered. He kills dragons (since that's been mentioned now, it's considered possible under wiki rules, but definitely not to the extent that this guy does it - he one-shots two dragons together, and killed over twenty-four total - and it's probably ill-advised all the same). He destroys mountains with a single, seemingly fairly unimportant technique he has. He summons dragon-sized foxes. His magic and abilities and equipment sections take up over half his page. He has a bunch of completely unrelated powers that just seem to be there for the sake of being powerful. Extremely overpowered.

4) Finally, Killer Intent - which is also stolen from Naruto - could possibly be seen as violating the rule against things that are neither magic nor physical. It also might not, because nearly anything can be shoved into one of the two categories if you really feel like it, but I thought it was worth noting.

Regards.