Talk:Grand Magic Games X800: Dragon Gunfire Conquers the Unicursal Maze/@comment-31199885-20160413231412

Yo Gunfire! Liza/Silver aka the guild master of Crashing Wave here, for a friendly review! First, I'm going to rank each of traps and how you handled them, then give the actual points and tell you why I chose them, then I'll give a final review of it all!
 * Trap A: I love how you used Willam's earth perception to find the pitfalls which is an ability I'm glad you including in his page for his Earth/Cavern Dragon Slaying Abilities. The teamwork in this bit was a little bit rocky (no pun intended). Even though Theia, Chase, and Sykushi worked together and William offered to place armor on them, Kazuya seemed to go off on his own and abandon his team, which in the event of his lighting body failing, could've resulted in him becoming poisoned without his comrades close by. Overall this section was pretty creative, though there's not much else to do for the section, in my opinion, the only options are shielding and an elemental transformation spell. Good job to you!
 * Trap B: First thing I've got to say here is, isn't Dragon Force a bit dramatic? I feel like William got over his pretty quickly. The jump from DF to being fine was a little strange, but besides that how everyone handled this section was pretty great. I cried a bit tbh during Chase's and Theia's, they put in the most emotion into it, but it also is a matter of the writer's personal opinion of how deep to go into a fear. I'd say William's quick fear was the worst part of this but I enjoyed how everyone attempted to help each other through.
 * Trap C: I like the creativity on this one, it's a good use of the Dragon Slayer's senses. My one concern is that it seems William is the only person forming the ideas for all of these traps and it is focusing more on him as opposed to the others. I am unsure if this is something you all discussed, but it's a little bit annoying at least for me because you don't get to see the creativity of the other characters.
 * Trap D: I didn't really quite understand the plan on this one, but it seemed to work? Glad to see Theia become the planner for this one and that everyone had a purpose instead of just one person using their magic to save everyone.
 * Trap E: Great way to deal with an air monster. Without an air based slayer though you wouldn't have had such an easy time. Good job. I'm pleased that another character got to show off their skill set
 * Riddle: Not much I can say, besides once again, William seems to be the only one doing anything (besides Chase using his head). It is disappointing to me that the LIGHT slayer wasn't the one who figured out the planet riddle.

Overall, I'm going with: Y'all get a 17/20 for this story! It may be because I'm a harsh critic but I was mainly disappointed in how it was focused more on William as opposed to the whole team. Plus, Kazuya and Sykushi fell into the back which contributed to the lack of teamwork.
 * 4/5 for Creativity, I enjoy how you all solved your problems and they were logical as well but again, William is the only one planning, so I have to take a point off for that.
 * 4/5 for Character Involvement. I didn't get to see much of Kazuya and Sykushi contributing besides Trap D, it seemed to be more focused on the Dragon Slayers while the others followed. But, in the beginning, it was strong and interesting.
 * 5/5 for Use of Scenarios. You all included all the traps as well as got through them using logic and creativity, there's not much more I can say about it.
 * 2/2 for the riddle, you figured it out, there isn't much more to it.
 * 2/3 for overall plot. I'm going to go back to William. He was the majority of the story which is disappointing. It was supposed to show off the team as a whole, not just this one character. I was going to have it be one, but with the teamwork on Trap D (even though I didn't understand it) and showcasing Chase's ability in Trap E gave you an extra point

Good job y'all, and good luck in your round two and three fights! If you have anymore questions just give me a shout.