Talk:Shiro Yoshimitsu/@comment-3030647-20121004015218

Alright then Knightwalker, upon your request to Aha, I have decided to review everything in this article aside from formatting and powers, since that is Aha's job. And remember, if you want character reviews, it's better to come to me.

So, I'll split this into sections, so it makes it easier for you to understand. And please don't feel offended at all by this review, it is meant to help you entirely.

Introduction and General Things: Alright, this part kind of confused me, both in respect to the very bad use of grammar and his unusual racial status. How can he be a half-breed of both Pyromancers and Humans? Humans and Pyromancers are the same thing. There is no racial segregation here. So, please revise this. Instead, he could have been descended from a line of Pyromancers, which would make more sense, since those type of occupations (which is what a Pyromancer is) are normally inherited through family. And what do you mean by "embarrassing his other half"? You have given no indication of "another half" in this article, please explain this. Additionally, if he has an affiliation to the Star Breaker Guild, he's not an Independent Mage, he's a Legal Mage. Change that as well.
 * Grammar and Spelling Errors:
 * First of all, make sure there is his entire name in bold with the kanji and romanji of his name in brackets, the latter being italicized. Something like, Shiro Yoshimitsu (白 良し蜜 Yoshimitsu Shiro).
 * Secondly, use full stops and commas correctly! It's simple enough. Here, I'll show you:

Shiro Yoshimitsu (白 良し蜜 Yoshimitsu Shiro) is a Mage who currently serves under his teacher, Kageki, of the Star Breaker Guild. He is also known as Shin Gouki of the Star Breaker Guild thanks to his Pyromancer heritage.

After his family was destroying by Dark Mages who follow the belief of Zeref, he was able to attain both the power of the Angels and Devils, specifically, the Nine Lords of Hell.

I'll do the rest in another comment.