Talk:Chapter 16 - A Place to Call Home/@comment-21119641-20180505042327

Lmao, I can't stop laughing with Zeke's scenes, omfg, the comment on Jaina on was on point, was on the edge of my seat (even in a second read). Overall, the shopping scene was really nice, and the pajama part warmed my heart in such a undescritable way...

Loved Raven's scene! It was quick, but, enough to show some of his hidden characterization, which is much appreciated. Even better was Amber's surprise at it.

Goddamn, there you are again, being so good at describing locations that their pictures just pop up in my mind. Axel's house feels pretty nice and cozy, organized even, not much of a surprise! Nice to see Axel being honest and asking if Amber really thought he was a pervert... I know it's a joke 'n all, but, it can get jarring. Overall, their interactions were really nice here!

Zeke is Barry Allen, boiiiiiiiiiiii

Haven't really seen any grammar mistakes this chapter, so, that's awesome. I'd just look out for the words you use in some parts: "kicked off" "exclaimed", they are meant to represent loud actions, to me, and the way these actions were done, didn't really coincide with that.

Nevertheless, this was a pretty good chapter, offered a nice slice-of-life which didn't feel out of place! So, I give you a 10/10