Talk:Shiro Yoshimitsu/@comment-3030647-20121004015218/@comment-3030647-20121004030854

Appearance: Okay, here the major problems are simply grammar and spelling. Nothing really major with concepts here. So please, use the spellchecker that Deus linked you. It will help you.

Personality: You called Shiro a "she" here in the beginning. Just change that inconsistency. And you used "during the timeskip" twice in a sentence. You might've forgotten, I dunno, but proof-read your work before you publish it, there's a preview button for a reason. Format the image you used on top of the paragraph thanks, and don't capitalize "angered", and capitalize "Angel" thanks. Aside from that, please use the spellchecker. It will help significantly.

History: Okay, before I point out problems, I'm not going to check grammar and spelling anymore. That isn't my job. Moving on; please make a "Synopsis" section underneath the History once, and put the links you put to story articles in dot points, preferably in chronological order.

Okay, firstly. How do you summon powerful demons using Blood Magic? That is reserved for. Change that firstly. And what do you mean by "other chants"? That makes absolutely no sense, please revise or explain.

Nothing wrong with the second paragraph, except for spelling and grammar errors.

Third, fourth and fifth paragraph are fine except for spelling and grammar.

Sixth paragraph is unusual. How does a Take Over make you ascend to heaven? Take Overs can't do that, revise it. Take Overs allow you to empower yourself with abilities of another race (normally beasts). So then how does he go to heaven, or hell? Even Mirajane, who used Devils, found them within Earthland. Change this.

And, for the rest of the paragraphs, by Deus: Firstly, there's NO heaven in Fairy Tail. Please, get that into your small brain. It's annoying me the hell off already. Neither should there be hell—Other than that, all the problem is DAT GRAMMAR. I can look apart the Nessus thing since y'know, I've done the same.

In short:

Knightwalker

Wat r u doing

Knightwalker

stahp