Talk:Sahara Patagonia/@comment-3030647-20160318103808

Dragon Slayer Royale Feedback:
 * Article Layout: The format and aesthetics of the article are, as expected of you, up to par to accommodate for the significant quantity of your writing without making it look over the place. So good job with that. In addition, your grammar, spelling, sentence structure and the like are done accurately. Although I do think, personally, that you could cut down on sentence length a bit and use shorter sentences rather than the repeated use of semi-colons, em-dashes and the like. Those things tend to make a sentence very hard to pay attention to if used repeatedly.
 * Reasoning & Personality: From what you wrote on the Forum thread, her reasoning seems pretty sub-par. Wishing for the title "Dragon Slayer King" with no more than the ambition to "learn how to handle responsibility." In addition, her personality section - specifically her post-timeskip self - doesn't seem to go into very much detail about the changes to her personality beyond her being "mellowed out." If anything, I still think of Sahara as the massive bitch you've portrayed her to be.
 * Powers & Abilities: She definitely has the skill and detail needed to enter the competition. However, you haven't specified which Magic you would use out of your Dragon Slayer Magic beyond your Surging Dragon Fist.
 * Overall: While Sahara definitely has a lot of detail, most of it appears to be unnecessary to enter the Royale from my perspective. A contest to prove one's strength and worth, after all, doesn't seem to be the best place to learn about responsibility.

Other Feedback: From writer-to-writer, I'd like to also add another thing. Alpha, from what I have read of Sahara (I actually read her whole article), your writing seems to rely a lot on redundancy and roundabout power statements in order to produce length. While I'm not sure if this is a product of lack of proofreading, one example that really caught my eye was: "Sahara is the type of fighter who uses her arms more so than her legs, the latter being used as support for the former; this is mainly due to her using her hands more often than her legs — aside from the basic needs." This, among a few other examples, really showed me that your character articles very rarely pay attention to individuality in fighting style. While you wholeheartedly leap to mention the power of each individual ability and the possible - general - history of them, there's very little personalizing that makes these skills and traits distinct to your characters. As such, I personally suggest that, if Sahara isn't approved for the Dragon Slayer Royale, that you take a good long look at her article in order to improve the quality of your content.