User blog:Firegod00/Fairy Tail 419- In Which Firegod Has Had Enough (The Message Of Flame)

Well ladies, gentlemen and those of unspecified genders (see, I don’t discriminate), welcome back to another edition of Fire’s Review Because Aha Was Lazy (or in this case, too pissed), aka FRBAWL -to be read as Furball-. Same rules as last week, if you hate my reviews, ask yourself if I really care. If ya love 'em, great. Ready to enter the slog fest?

REBEL 2! ACTION!

So... I believe there’s something to be said when the combined rage of only two men is enough to cause a Big Bang...and probably calling down the Spiral Nemesis too. The sheer hotbloodedness of me and Aha alone could probably be felt by Kamina himself.

Alright...I can stand here and seethe and get nowhere or I can seethe and vent at the same time, and guess which one I’m gonna do? THAT’S RIGHT! I’m gonna vent, and you lot are gonna hate me for this...love ya all.

So the chapter starts with Natsu and Happy standing in the stadium cheering at their mass murder attempt gone awry and that dumbass reporter, Jason, getting his panties wet over Natsu’s “stunning” victory. Seriously, he is the most irritating Fairy Turd, especially since he’s in-universe. I’m sure anyone who actually gives a damn about an interesting story just gave up on this chapter on the FIRST FUCKING PAGE. Because, I’m gonna warn you now, the rest of this shitfest is just Natsu getting his way with everything,

-Note, when I say Jason, I don’t mean the stoic mountain of manliness that Aha created, I mean the reporter who’s hair looks like a phallic symbol-

Fuck it, we move on to page two and see that the king, who must be mentally ill, really, acquits Natsu of his nearly felonious actions. Oh yes, let the walking flamethrower who induced mass public nudity and almost killed scores of people just walk free. Whatever drugs that inept ruler is on I fucking want them. I can’t even imagine the massive high that man must have right now.

And get this, the reason he lets Natsu go is he calls the nearest thing to domestic terrorism “Youthful exuberance”. Fuck you, fuck your logic. I’d have shot and killed the fucker with the most deadly spells I could have come up with. I get it, Fairy Tail is a guild of heroes, they can do no wrong since the killed a fuckton of demons, but that cheeky grin Natsu gives as they kick him out of the castle...god damn it, can he be any more stupid? Oh wait...it gets better, trust me lads and ladies, it gets better. Or worse...yeah, let’s go with worse, shall we?

So Lucy shows up and explains the guild broke up, leading to Natsu crying and threatening to kill the old bastard for breaking up the guild. Oh. My. GOD. I couldn’t give nearly half as many shits as Natsu does right now. In fact, I the number of shits I give, if you divide by zero, you would cause a metaphyisical breakdown of reality.

We cut to Lucy’s place and she invites Natsu and Happy to stay for a while. Nice and all, except in two seconds time, Happy already started causing damage, which Lucy JUST FUCKING ASKED THE TWO MORONS TO NOT DO!! If I had friends like that, I’d want to shoot them. I can’t put up with people who crash at another’s house and just...trash the place. I mean, yeah, I invite my friends to treat my shit like theirs, but that doesn’t mean BREAK EVERYTHING. I actually mean “Hey, if you want something, don’t even ask unless you can’t find it. My stuff is as your own, so have fun”. And ya know what? That single rule is respected by any who cross my doorway or else I throw people out. I don’t care if the scene was played for laughs, I don’t. Basic human decency should be required here.

So, the moron goes into Lucy’s room and tries to prank her, only to see her wall full of the other’s pictures and instead of pranking her has a “better idea”. What is that better idea you ask? Oh, you’re gonna regret this...And so am I.

Next morning, Lucy’s apartment is surrounded by guards who are there for Natsu. What did the protagonist of the shittest shounen ever just do? He wrote FAIRY TAIL on the side of the castle, using flames as his ink no less. And of course, that phallic-haired moron Jason is getting excited, but enough about him...Lucy’s life is in danger because of Natsu. If you think the guards wouldn’t hurt someone to get at a person who’s antics always put people’s lives in danger...well, in a decent series anyway, they would. But remember, we’re reading bullshit here people.

Worst part? Lucy is happy that her life, her job, her home, everything is now destroyed, gone like the ashes and smoke after a fire. I could never be happy if a “friend” fucked with everything I spent a year making for myself. I’m startin’ to think she’s suffering from severe Stockholm Syndrome and is just deluding herself that she wants this insufferable asshole in her life.

Alright, that’s enough with this chapter. I’ve said all I need to say. Like I wrote above, if you hate the review, I don’t really care. If yer in the rare few that enjoy my anger, kudos to you brave bastards. Love you too.

Expect this to be the last FRBAWL, since if next week still sucks as bad as this one did, I drop the series stone dead. I don’t mean that I’ll leave the fanon, but I can’t read this shit anymore...I just can’t. My inner writer is crying, begging me to quit FT and just go read something worth my time, like a good old Stephen King story. Maybe I’ll return to the manga if Hiro can give me a reason to care about the cast (which he still hasn’t, if you were curious), but don’t hold yer breath mates.

Firegod00, signing out.