Talk:Tao Kung/@comment-14973435-20170324165909/@comment-14973435-20170324175039

To start off with the actual page, I will take a look at his intro which for the most part is rather subpar. While it is not cluttered, it doesn't possess any natural "flow" throughout any of the paragraphs to feel smooth. There is also the fact of your intro is quite contradicting as you state he is one of the creation from the in the first paragraph but in the second, you reveal that he was initially a human who sold information towards the enemy side in order to gain "ultimate power" to surpass any Wizard, thus ending up with him being trapped within the Black Soul Gem and later being reborn.

That wouldn't have turned him into Etherious but something else really, like how Gillian in Bleach are composed of many Hollows before the one of the many Hollows which comprise it might gain control over the newly formed entity. There is also the fact which you stated your character was a marital artist but his motivation as a mortal doesn't really fit the path of martial arts you desire to take.

Anyways, I would suggest rewriting his intro with a clear idea of what you want: either an Etherious who desires nothing more than to fight to his last breathe or something else involving your Black Soul Gem. Also, I would suggest your intro look something more akin to this, using what you currently have: Tao Kung (タオ・クン, Tao Kan) is an Etherious who was born from a Book of Zeref, acting as a Lord of the Apocalypse within Nightmare Wing. Known as Violent Hurricane (乱暴張り拳, Ranbō Hariken; lit. "Lawless Resilience Fist"), he has caused devastation towards the structure of as he embodies the natural disaster his moniker is based off of, leaving a trail of destruction within his path as he decimates his enemies and comrades in order to prove his superiority. This stems from his desire to prove himself as the strongest fighter in the world, constantly seeking out a worthy opponent to fight to the bitter end. While this is not perfect, this is a general idea of how I would write an intro with what already have place there. In the next comment, I will go over appearance, personality, and maybe history.