Talk:Arashi Kazama/@comment-4666155-20131113022019

Hello, Mokushiryu, we meet again. Nice to see you contributing again after earlier August. I once again come bearing things to correct on your article. First off (and most glaringly) is the word "Appearance", which you've spelled "Appearence". Fairly sure that's a typo, but worth pointing out nonetheless. So it seems you're still getting inspiration from Naruto. While that is fine, this isn't an OC data page to post on a forum, so writing like:

 Underneath his shirt is a tattoo of an eye with three commas that represent the Kazama style of wind magic (think of the look of the Sharingan from Naruto. Each comma represents a certain aspect of the style)

isn't professional. While it is definitely good to make it so everyone can get a visualization of what you write, don't blatantly say in the description where you are getting your inspiration from, that's best left in "Trivia" or "Author's Notes" as you put it. (Also, they're tomoe, not commas.) Something else of note; while it's not terrible "When he was born, Arashi already had high magic reserves, which was rare among the children of the Kazama clan.", that line, right there, setting him apart from everyone in his family may not be the best approach. Trying to make someone a ~speshulsnowflake~ right off the bat isn't the best approach to a character (especially a main character, speaking from experience on that one), but it isn't necessarily bad, just something you have to make sure you can pull off properly. Same with his moniker, " God of Wind (風の神,  Kaze no Kami )". Watch how arrogant and boastful you want to be with these names, not just because the wrong nickname could send the wrong impression, but because your character may not be able to live up to it. "God of Wind" is nice and all, but it implies a mastery of Wind Magic that is unmatched throughout the world, and, as a 19 year old, I'm sure he has a lot more potential left to unlock, and there are more than likely to be several mages that exist in the world stronger than him in Wind Magic alone.

Carrying right into that is his abilities. For starters, making abilities based off others is fine, my own Alaskiel shares an ability like Shinsou. However, change the name. A blade based on extension with its attack named as an obvious reference to Shinsou (i.e. the exact name) isn't inspiration, it's more akin to outright copying. Change the name and you should be fine. Also, fix the abilities so that his strength, swordsmanship skills, speed, and magic power are not connected by bullet points that imply it's connected to the Wind Magic. As a matter of fact, here, look at Sanjo Vista or Wendy Marvell for two correct, but different ways to write an abilities section, it'll be faster to look than to explain it. In terms of overall ability power, I don't have anything to complain about. He's not overpowered (nor really worthy of the title 'God of Wind', I believe), so I have no complaints there.