"Aaah, perfect..." Standing to her feet, a certain white-haired woman wandered over to the mirror—as usual, she didn't dress too fully for nights. She was clad in her undergarments- a matching lacy red bra and panties; her bra accentuated her natural ample bosom, keeping her breasts supported while her panties prevented any unfortunate wardrobe malfunctions—She spent a few moments checking out her figure—there were bags under her eyes from a lack of sleep. It seemed that she was becoming insomniac...
Kirika skipped towards the bathroom—all she did was look forward. She wanted to take everything off her mind, and the best way to do so would possibly be to just have a bath and wash her troubles away with the hot water. Reaching the bathroom, Kirika swiftly and roughly tore the door open; she wandered inside and glanced at the bath for a moment with a hazy look.
Slowly, she reached for her bra, removing it with a *click* sound from the hooks; the somewhat large curves which were supported by it became visible. Her chest bounced with slight movements; Kirika traced her hands down, gripping at the sides of her panties and quickly pulling them down, exposing her beautiful, snow-white figure that was completely naked before the mirror in the bathroom.
Kirika fingered her long white hair, curling a bang around her finger, playing with it incessantly while she turned the taps on, waiting for the bath to be filled. Steam rose from the bath into the atmosphere in a few minutes, clouding her vision. Even so, she was certain that she wouldn't slip—probably. To her sore eyes, that bath looked nice and toasty; an excellent medium in which to cleanse her mind.
Kirika took a deep breath as she allowed her left foot to go first, placing it in the bath. She let out a brief yelp that was barely audible; the hot water stung for a moment—though seconds later, she found herself accommodating to the situation; as if accepting the slight pain that came with laying within hot water. Then the other foot; in a matter of moments, Kirika was resting within the tub—she sighed as she became content with herself right now.
The feeling of the hot water was indescribable; the steaming and slight burning sensation crashed against Kirika's body again and again in the form of miniature waves. The feeling of the water enveloping her at a high pressure was refreshing. Her arms rested on the sides of the tub; Kirika was just allowing the hot water to splash all over her subtly—letting out a deep sigh of pleasure, she snapped her fingers, summoning a glass of wine in her hands.
Kirika's long white hair was soaking wet by now; as proof, it was sticking onto her body, making her appear spicier than usual. She calmly waved her hair back with her hand, crossing her legs in the bath as she kicked her right leg up, letting out a sharp moan.
Elegantly, Kirika sipped the wine; she had this habit that, once she heard of a wine of extraordinary quality, she would purchase it immediately. The study of wine was actually a deep world without any boundaries if you wished to pursue it. Wine can fill the emptiness of one's heart through its taste. When you are feeling hollow inside, getting drunk with alcohol is not a bad idea too.
Nevertheless, that was definitely not the 'happiness' that Tsuruko Sejren always talked about.
The person in question was Tsuruko Sejren. Everything would have been solved if there was a conversation between her and Tsuruko Sejren, Kirika thought. Of course their positions were completely different. Thus they would have discussed using their weapons instead of their words. But it is still alright if that is the case, since Kirika had only wanted to fight with this person called Tsuruko Sejren; a conversation between two sides of the same coin.
Tsuruko's status made Kirika even more baffled – was she really just an android? Why did a robot possess such emotions?
For a woman like Kirika who continued to be lost and could not find a single piece of such joy and happiness, Tsuruko's life only existed in her dreams and her admiration. Tsuruko's insatiable thirst for friendship and desire to save people had been belittled and mocked in such a way – how could she endure this? How could she not hate this? Kirika herself snapped as the world trampled all over her attempts to do good.
The dark feelings swelling up in her heart twisted Kirika's smile.
While two sides of the same coin, the contrast between Tsuruko Sejren and Kirika Hotsuin revealed that both sides of the coin were almost unrecognizable from each other.
But if she could break the dreams of Tsuruko Sejren, who was idealistic to a fault—with her own hands...The excitement of breaking Tsuruko made Kirika's hands tremor. Kirika Hotsuin laughed out loud. It was something that had never ceased in all these long years - the throbbing of her soul.
If it was Tsuruko Sejren – if those who could understand Kirika truly existed – then Tsuruko must be the same kind of person as Kirika—Tsuruko Sejren had never let Kirika down. In their interactions, Tsuruko had nevertheless made the most appropriate evaluation of Kirika Hotsuin.
A crimson hell. The tortured screams that the wind carried to her ears. Dancing tongues of flame. Kirika stared blankly at this scene in her mind—she always remembered this, the time she found her purpose. "...This is...what I want? Destruction and sighs, excite me?" If the emotion that roiled within her heart at this moment could be called 'joy'. At this moment, Kirika Hotsuin understood the true form of her own soul.
The collapse of everything was so beautiful.
People who were tormented were so lovable.
Tortured screams by her ears were so satisfying.
Burnt corpses were so laughable.
Unable to control the emotion that had reached boiling point, Kirika laughed hopelessly. She really was the worst kind of person to exist; a world driven into chaos could actually be filled with vivid joy.
"What am I? Hahaha, what am I?!" Even the feeling of hopelessness that tugged at her heart was so sweet. Kirika's body trembled from her manic laughter. She could feel everything from her fingertips to the top of her head, clearly and distinctly.
"Ahah, only now am I alive...I truly exist, right here!" For the first time she was aware of, and for the first time she truly felt, the fetters between her and the world.
"Why so twisted? Why so filthy? Am I really other-world counterpart of that paragon of hope? Hahahaha, impossible! Impossible! What is this?! Maybe the demon blood is slipping through!?" From a place that was completely opposite to what she originally wanted, Kirika had found the truth. This ironic end was actually so satisfying.
She had circled so many winding roads. Had she been dreaming all along? When she was young, she had praised the preciousness of kindness, and tried to help others in need. Kirika Hotsuin had wasted twenty-odd years of her life precisely because she believed utterly in this sort of truth. She had never realized that her nature was completely contrary to this sort of truth.
Kirika clutched her stomach, exhausted and breathing rapidly from her laughter; gasping, "No, it's not enough....I want more!" Kirika wiped away the tears from her maniacal laughter, and shook her head.
"I've finally found my answer in this life that is full of question marks. Despite this, I still don't know a damn thing!"
To that former Kirika Hotsuin, being a paragon of hope and forging bonds was 'happiness'. But now, there truly existed a soul that had turned its back on morality and yet obtained happiness. Kirika had also only realized that this soul was no one else but herself.
In that case, the definition of good and evil, as well as the very existence of truth, had created a contradiction. This contradiction could not be overlooked.
"Within the equation from which this strange answer is derived, there should exist a reason that is simple and easily understood. No, there is definitely one. Then what exactly is it… I must clarify it, I must find it. Even if it takes my whole life, I want to understand. ...Why, why can I only feel joy in such heinous acts?"
After having had enough of laughing insanely, a smile remained on Kirika's mournful face as if it was the residue of her previous manic laughter. Perhaps from today on, she would always keep this expression; the leisurely smile that meant that she had accepted the truth of herself and the world, and was able to honestly face everything.
Kirika looked around at the surroundings again, savoring the exquisitely beautiful scenery that her powers had brought to her. The quantity of the darkness that had caused the entire block to go up in flames should be nothing compared to the quantity which would be released as she becomes Varian incarnate. When she had regained her full power—the power of Varian—and it was released to forge a world of chaos, what kind of hellish picture would unfold before her eyes?
Yes — its existence was like Kirika's own; they were both things that ran contrary to ethics. Now that Kirika thought about it, there had already been anticipation in her heart from the time that she had seen that vision of a world of chaos, where the strong rape, pillage, and burn, with herself as queen bee. If that world of chaos was really born and proved its existence, then perhaps it could even derive some other explanation that was unrelated to morals and ethics?
"...I'll know who I am, and why I'm like this...Why...why can't I find happiness without the suffering of others...?" Kirika questioned herself; sitting back in the bath as she continued to drink the blood-red wine.